Health

I am a doctor who specializes in sexual health. There is no “normal” amount of sex you should have – so you can stop worrying.

This solicited article is based on a conversation with Peter Stahl. Edited for length and clarity.

Throughout my training as a urologist and years of working in men’s sexual health, there’s a topic that comes up time and time again: men want to know if they’re having a “normal” amount of sex.

There is a lot of pressure, especially on men, to have what they consider a typical sex life. There is an idea that people should have a lot of sex and certain types of sex. If not, it can lead to disappointment and stress, which can kill your libido.

That’s why it’s so important for people to know that nothing is natural.

I am happy to have data to direct patients to

Of course, I could explain it over and over – but many of my patients didn’t believe me. That’s why I was excited to take a look at the results of the Hims & Hers survey of Americans’ sexual habits and perspectives. More than 5,000 people participated in the 2022 survey.

As a doctor, I read a lot of research. I saw this report as a tool to help my patients. It’s one thing to say that nothing is normal, and it’s another thing to immediately follow this up with the data points.

For example, 75% of respondents said they believed other people had sex more than once a week, but only 54% of respondents reported having had sex a lot. Only 22% of respondents said that more sex would improve their sex lives.

All of this lends credibility to the message I’m trying to get across: Nothing is natural, and you don’t have to worry about comparisons.

A good sex life is the life you are happy with

A good sex life is one in which both partners are happy and satisfied and communicate openly. What that means for each person is very individual. I know couples who have sex once a month and feel connected and fulfilled. For others, physical contact with sex is an integral part of their weekly interactions as a couple. Some couples cannot have penetrative sex but are satisfied with other types of play.

Most of the time, my patients know when they are out of sync with their sexual partners. They may not know why or how to fix it, but they do realize that something is wrong.

This is where communication comes in. I’ve learned that you can’t separate the physical from the psychological when it comes to sex. As a urologist, I can medically treat a man’s erectile dysfunction – but at the same time, I will refer him to other resources such as sexual therapy.

I would like all of my patients not to worry too much about the sex of others. Instead, they should focus on creating their own positive sex life: a life in which they feel fulfilled, happy with the sex they are having, and connected to their partner if they have one.

Smith

Tricare west is a global news publication that tells the stories you want to know.

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